**Trigger Warning, mentions domestic violence**
I graduated in May of 2019, and I was blessed enough to be able to take a gap year, one year of doing absolutely nothing. It was in this year that I met my now ex boyfriend, I was with him for 5 months and it was the best time of my life! I felt like I could spend my entire life growing and getting to know him. He did as well, so we took the plunge and moved in together...
It was almost as if he was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde the switch was night and day. The very night we moved in, I was called every derogative and hurtful word in front of the word “b*tch”, in me trying to understand and console him I was pushed aggressively to the ground. I sat there just wondering, “Now wait, what the f*ck is happening? Who is this person? What the f*ck did I just get myself into signing a year long lease? Was he acting all this time? Is this the real him?”
I saw the sweetest and most caring individual turn into a nightmare that lasted 5 months after this day, until I broke my lease and left him. I then awoke from the hellish lucid dream I had been stuck in...
Afterwards I was so lost, I didn’t want to leave him, because I thought our relationship was something we had to just work on...
However, seeing the fear of my parents and the mentors around me, I trusted them and left. I had no job, no money, no connections, a shred of confidence, and a distant picture in my head of who I once was just a year ago. I longed to return to the version of myself that was full of confidence and didn’t let anyone or anything stand in her way! I knew it wouldn’t happen over night, but I knew I had to trust and show up for myself! I eventually had to file an EPO against him which was extended into a Domestic Violence Order.
(BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE! If you are experiencing abuse, please protect yourself by any means! It is scary but your safety is more important!)
With this order, I finally felt the weight of fear lifted off of my shoulders, and I knew I could move forward! In June I received a job at SummerWorks to create a student led documentary over the summer of 2020, about COVID and police brutality. It was a LIFE CHANGING experience, because it reaffirmed me about my skills and intellect.
The last 8 months my life has been a story of redemption, and it started with the understanding of acceptance.
For so long I was unsure of myself after that relationship, because I thought I was the type of wombman that would never be shaken, stirred, or moved from who I was and where I was going. However, it happened. This isn’t just my story, this is the story of “1 in 3 women in the United States and 40% of Black women” who will encounter domestic violence at some point of their life. (blackburncenter.org)
I knew these statistics unfortunately, but fortunately the optimist within me said, “Okay Christie it finally happened to you, but it won’t EVER happen again!” Which is so sad, right? Such a weird dialectic I had to have with myself, but it was necessary. For me, I always try to find the the beauty in the pain! For me that was knowing that I now had story that could relate to any wombman, child, or man that is or has gone through what I had went through! Also I knew I didn’t want any other person to go through what I went through by not sharing my story!
I accepted the pain.
I accepted the anger.
I accepted the shame.
I accepted the loneliness.
I accepted the confusion.
I accepted the complete unraveling of self.
HOWEVER, STILL I RISE!
Still I rebuilt.
Still I loved myself through the uncomfortability.
I found myself, realigned with myself, and went after my future with a more grounded focus, fervor, and drive! Because I know what it means to lose yourself, and having been lost in the never ending spiral of worthlessness and disregard in hyper/toxic masculinity and patriarchy.....
I’M NEVER GOING BACK AND NOT ONE SOUL CAN MAKE ME!! In the words of my late Queen mother Mary, “NOW!!!”
Acceptance is something I still practice in my everyday life to help manage the stress and anxiety this capitalistic culture puts onto us in the striving to succeed. I know that whatever will be will be, whatever is meant to happen will! No matter how much I try to force or push myself or a situation to the outcome I desire, it is truly all in Divine timing!
A reminder, love should always uplift you and make you feel on top of the world, never should it belittle, disrespect, demean, or control!
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
In closing, I am NOT sharing my story for your sympathy or for you to say “poor Christie”, I am NOT anyone’s victim! I AM a survivor! I fortunately was able to learn this lesson with my life intact. Many wombmen are not as fortunate enough to have this happy ending. I also know those who do have their life, don’t always have the resources I had at my disposal. However, you can find that community here! I wanted to share some of my story for the person reading this to know, what you are going through IS NOT normal and IS NOT love or care!
It is here at theblackbeatnik.com that you can find genuine love and acceptance.
Please reach out to me and let’s talk, tell me your story, and let’s work together to figure out an exit strategy! As always, you are loved, protected, and respected here!
If you need immediate support please go to The National Domestic Violence hotline
https://www.thehotline.org or call 1.800.799.7233
Attached are some pictures of me the day before I left my ex and started to show up for myself!
It‘s not easy but your ARE worth it!